I lied ... J'ai menti ...

This is a first for me -- blogging for personal purposes -- but it has been on my mind for the longest time.  Next year marks a decade since I left Paris to return to the US.  Since then, every day has been an excellent adventure, but I still recall my time in the City of Lights as one of the most extraordinary experiences of my life.

This blog will give you a little idea of what I experienced over a two-and-a-half-year period as a (then) 50-something American woman living on her own and working in Paris. Some of the stories contain "life lessons," others just hilarious experiences, and some describe the little bumps in the road that remind you not to take yourself too seriously.

I will be including French words or phrases, with translations at first, to whet your appetite (apétit) for what are really a beautiful language (belle langue) and culture (culture).  There is an ulterior motive here, though.  By the time we have come to the end of the blog (la fin du blog), most of the story (l'histoire) will be in French (en français), and you will be reading it all!

I started writing the stories on a dark and stormy day in Paris, as it seemed the perfect opportunity to let friends and family know -- in case they cared -- how (and what) I was doing. The March weather (les giboulées de mars) was making the City of Lights seem like the City of Darkness. I had been in Paris for a little over a month.

I hope you enjoy these little vignettes.  They bring back wonderful memories of a very special time in my life.

But we should start at the beginning (Commencer au Commencement), non?

Mid-February 1999 (mi-février mille neuf cent quatre-vingt dix-neuf): The Voyage Across the Pond (Le voyage en travers la mare)

Albert and I arrived in Paris (Air France 003) after a series of baggage adventures at our very own Newark International Airport (which I gather has been renamed Liberty International).  Imagine this!  It seems that nine bags between the two of us -- not counting the carry-ons -- was too much for the Air France ticket agents to handle, so I was banished to the Excess Baggage Line (la queue d'excédent de bagages) for what seemed to be an interminable period, only to be told that I could not possibly take so much on the aircraft.

Pleading, cajoling, eyes filling up with tears, I tried to make my case, emphasizing the part about why the suitcase filled with shoes was so important.  Fortunately, the Excess Baggage Agent (L'agent d'exédent de bagages) -- herself a budding Imelda Marcos -- understood my plight and charged me for only one extra bag (une valise supplémentaire).  (The woman in front of me had a harder time explaining that her rather-large-for-his-age son was "really only two years old and didn't require a ticket."  (Ah! the delicate balance between shoes and children!)

Lesson #1:  Check with your airline about baggage restrictions, even if you are moving.
Lesson #2:  Tears (whether real or crocodile) always work, especially with the French.

Coming up:  My Temporary Digs (Ma Piaule Temporaire)

Goin' on a Honeymoon (Aller en voyage de noces)

We will have a brief hiatus between now and October 11 while I go on my honeymoon.  (Nous aurons une brève interruption pendant que je vais sur mon voyage de noces dans les Caraïbes. Retour sur la 11e avec des nouvelles.)

But I digress ... (Mais je m'écarte ... )

While I figure out how to link Petits Glaçons to its new Facebook Page, I shall take a short break (faire une pause) de ce "blog."  Besides (En plus), j'irai à l'Université de Maine la semaine prochaine to conduct a fundraising seminar (un séminaire de 'fundraising') for 100 grantseekers (cent chercheurs des fonds).


And did I mention that I am getting married on September 24th?  (Et est-ce que je vous ai fait part de mes nouvelles -- que je vais je me marier le 24 septembre?)


Woohoo!  (Woohoo!)

Est-ce que j'ai mentionné qu'il y avait des chocolatiers?

There is only one word (Il n'y a q'un mot) to describe (à décrire) la cuisine française ... YUM! (Délicieuse!)  Les cafés, les bistros, les brasseries, les restaurants ... the markets (les marchés) ... even the grocery stores (même les épiceries) et supermarchés.  Everywhere around you (Autour du quartier), there are beautiful displays (il y a des belles expositions) of fresh (frais) fruits et légumes, cheeses (fromages), seafood (fruits de mer), meats (viandes) and poultry (volaille).  Et les desserts!  Mon Dieu!


Did I mention that there were also chocolate shops?  (Est-ce que j'ai mentionné qu'il y avait des chocolatiers?)


One block away from (Une rue plus loin) de mon appartement was (était) la rue des Belles Feuilles, a veritable haven (un havre véritable) for "foodies" (pour les "foodies").  Aside from (à l'exception de) quatre restaurants, there were (il y avait) deux épiceries, un supermarché, et neuf (9) petits marchés.  Each (Chaque) petit marché had its own theme (avait son propre thème): fromagerie (1), marché de fruits de mer (1), marché de légumes et fruits (2), marché de viandes et volailles (3), et bakeries (2) (deux boulangeries).  I knew immediately (J'ai connu immédiatement) that I had chosen the right (que j'avais choisi) le quartier exact.


Est-ce que j'ai mentionné qu'il y avait des chocolatiers?


I became very good friends (Je suis devenu très bons amis) avec le "chicken man" ("l'homme poulet").  Every evening (Chaque soir), when I returned from work (quand je suis revenue) de l'Hôpital, "l'homme poulet" would have ses poulets roasting on a spit (aurait ses poulets à rôtir à la broche).  Half (La moitié) were stuffed (était farcis) aux herbes fines, a quarter (un quart) avec garlic (ail) et onions (oignons), et le reste tout simple;  there were as many as (il y avait moins que) vingt poulets sur les broches à la fois.  But the best of all? (Mais la meilleure de toutes?)  The potatoes ... (Les pommes de terre) ... delicate little rounds (délicats petits ronds) that were in a roasting pan (qui se trouvaient dans une rôtissoire) underneath (sous) les poulets à rôtir, themselves roasting in the chicken drippings (eux-même à rôtir dans la graisse de poulet).  (Mon Dieu!)


Est-ce que j'ai mentionné qu'il y avait des chocolatiers?


Demain ... Olivia deHavilland, aka Melanie Wilkes from Gone with the Wind

The Game of Golf (Le jeu de golf)

In today's post, we address the intricacies of le jeu de golf.  Once considered to be a very elitist sport, le jeu de golf has grown hugely (a grandi énormément) en France in the last trois siècles and now has over 650 beautiful courses (650 beaux terrains [ou parcours] de golf).  I played (J'ai joué) several times (plusieurs fois) during my stay (pendant mon séjour) en France.  En fait, with its long history, superb scenery, and exquisite food and wine (avec sa belle histoire, son paysage superb, sa nourriture exquise et ses vins extraordinaires), you can now add (vous pouvez maintenant ajouter) le jeu de golf to the list (à la liste) that makes la France the world's most visited country (le pays le plus visité au monde).

Since the Académie Française is a little picky (un peu difficile) about including English terms into everyday usage, the French (les français) came up with their own terms (ses propres termes) pour le jeu.  I thought that I would provide a little dictionary (un petit dictionnaire) des termes for my “golfin’ buds” (mes camarades qui jouent au golf).

Golfer                        joueur (m.)/joueuse (f.) de golf ou golfeur(m.)/golfeuse (f.)

Foursome                   un quatour

golf course                 le terrain de golf ou le parcours de golf

greens fee                  le droit de jeu

driving range              le terrain d'exercice

fairway                      l'allée

grass bunker               le bunker (ou la fosse) de l'herbe

sand trap                    la fosse de sable

waste bunker              la fosse naturelle

water hazard              l'obstacle d'eau

green                         le green

hole                           le trou

equipment                  le matériel

golf bag                      le sac de golf

caddie                        le cadet (m.) / la cadette (f.)

riding cart                   le chariot ou la voiturette de golf

golf ball                      la balle de golf

ball marker                 le repère

golf glove                   le gant de golf
golf shoes                   les chausseurs de golf

set of clubs                 le jeu de bâtons de golf

golf club                     un club / la crosse / la canne (de golf)

woods                        les bois

irons                          les fers

driver                        le bois n° 1

pitching wedge           le cocheur d'allée

sand wedge                le cocheur de sable

putter                        le fer droit ou le putter

to play golf                faire du golf, jouer au golf

tee                            le té

tee marker                 le jalon de départ

handicap                    le handicap

golf stroke                  le coup de golf

swing                         l'élan

backswing                  la montée

half swing                  le demi-élan

chip                           l'approche roulé

pitch                          l'approche lobé

divot                          la motte de gazon

score card                   la carte de pointage

par                             le normale

birdie                         l'oiselet

bogey                         le bogey

double bogey              le bogey double

eagle                          l'aigle

double eagle               l'albatros

hole in one                 le trou d'un coup

ball trajectory             la trajectoire de balle

hook                          le crochet de gauche

slice                           le crochet de droite

draw                          le léger crochet de gauche

fade                           le léger crochet de droite


And so (donc), the next time you are (la prochaine fois que vous êtes) en France, bring (apportez) vos jeux de bâtons et votre sac de golf, and you'll be all set (prête à jouer).


But remember ... no cheating! (Mais prenez garde à ne pas faire tricher!)

Someone moved my keys! (Quelqu'un a déplacé mes touches!)

In order for my dear readers to understand this vignette, we need to go back to Cleveland, OH and the summer of 1963.  My late mother suggested that I take a typing class because, as she put it, "Girls who know how to type will be able to make something of themselves." (Sigh!)  She signed me up -- against my will, I might add -- for a course at the local secretarial school.


There were no electric typewriters back then, just clunky machines that were not especially user-friendly.  We had a Royal (HH model) at home, a portable typewriter that came in a square box with a hinged top.  It was heavy as could be, but it was a pretty nifty machine for its time because it also had "touch control" and was a little easier to deal with than the school's typewriters.  (I actually took that typewriter to college and made some money typing term papers.)


Anyway, we were dealing then -- as we are now -- with a QWERTY keyboard, and I really excelled in typing class.  By the time of the final exam, I was typing about 125 words per minute with virtually no errors.  (I've maintained that speed, but when you think about today's keyboards, it's really not such a grand accomplishment.)


As the years flew by, I was exposed to any number of "cutting-edge" technologies -- the IBM Selectric, the IBM MagCard -- precursor to the IBM dedicated word processor -- and the IBM word processor itself.  And then, all of a sudden, there were the Commodore -- I had the Pet model -- the early Macintosh, and a variety of IBMs, Dells, and HPs.  I think I tried them all!


So, imagine that I had been typing away for 36 years at 125 WPM on a QWERTY keyboard before landing in Paris only to find that someone moved my keys (quelqu'un a déplacé mes touches)!  Hélas!!!


Instead of my beloved QWERTY keyboard (clavier), the keys on my French computer (les touches de mon ordinateur français) were not where they were supposed to be.  All of my favorites were in other locations!  Help! (Au secours!)


QWERTY was now AZERTY.  (The Q was now the A; the W was now the Z.)  The M was somewhere over in East Jabib.  Even the punctuation marks (les signes de ponctuation) had been déplacés.  I figured I would just have to learn the new system and live with it ...


... which I did, but only after several fits and starts.  I went from being a very good -- 125 words per minute -- typist (un très bon -- 125 mots par minute -- claviste) to typing about 25 words per minute (vingt-cinq mots par minute).  Slowly but surely, I was able to increase my speed (ma vitesse), and by the time I left Paris, I was back up to about 100 WPM (cent MPM). 


When I returned to the US and wanted to write in French, however, I realized that I would need to remember where all those errant keys were.  (Fortunately, I have a good memory, et mon ordinateur américain lets me go back and forth (faire des allées et venues) entre mon clavier d'anglais et mon clavier virtuel français.


Nothing is simple, is it?  Rien n'est simple, n'est-çe pas?

Tiny Ice Cubes (Petits Glaçons)

If you want your scotch on the rocks, give me a month's notice.  (Si vous voulez votre whiskey avec des glaçons, me donner un mois de préavis.)

Les glaçons are not -- no pun intended (aucun calembour voulu) -- a hot commodity in France.  They simply do not exist in the quantities (les quantités) to which we are accustomed in the US.  Now, mind you, mon frigo had a freezer (un congélateur), and le congélateur had one very teeny, tiny ice cube tray (un plateau à glaçon très, très miniscule).  In fact (en fait), le plateau à glaçon was kind of cute (mignon).  It reminded me of one of those things you put on votre bras ou jambe after a sprain (après une entorse).  Le plateau à glaçon contained some sort of liquid (a contenu telle sorte de liquide) that froze almost immediately, and it had twelve teeny, tiny half-circles (douze demi-circles très, très miniscules) into which you would put the water (mettre de l'eau).


The good news?  (La bonne nouvelle???)  L'eau only took about 15 minutes (à peu près quinze minutes) to freeze (congeler).  Voilà!  Douze glaçons miniscules, enough for (assez pour) un whiskey -- maybe (peut-être).


The bad news?  (La mauvaise nouvelle???)  It took me nearly trois semaines to make (à faire) assez de glaçons to fill (à remplir) un petit sac de plastique.


That is why (Ca c'est pourquoi):  Si vous voulez votre whiskey avec des glaçons, me donner un mois de préavis.  Iced Tea (le thé glacé), Iced Coffee (le café glacé), and Mint Juleps (les juleps à la menthe) are out of the question (sont hors de question).


Prochaine fois:  Someone moved my keys! (Quelqu'un a déplacé mes touches!)