It may be small, but it's an Otis (C'est peut-être petit, mais c'est un Otis)

Before we get to les livraisons, it would probably be prudent to mention (mentionner) the elevator (l'ascenseur) since les livreurs would certainly not want to schlepp (trimbaler) everything up the four flights (quatre volées) of the winding staircase (l'éscalier sinueux).**


** Do you not just love the idea (l'idée) that there is a word (un mot) for schlepp???


French elevators (les ascenseurs français) range in size (taille) from small to smaller to smallest (petit, plus petit, le plus petit), at least they do in Parisian apartment buildings (les immeubles parisien). Mon ascenseur was somewhere between the plus petit and the le plus petit variety (variéte), bordering on the le plus petit side of the equation. Inside, a small sign (un petit signe) claimed that l'ascenseur could hold three people (trois personnes) or a total of ~495 pounds (225 Kg).

Les ascenseurs were’t invented yesterday (hier), but most of them were, in fact, installed in buildings (installés dans les immeubles) that were erected during the last several centuries (au cours des derniers siècles). Space being at a premium, there was not much room for the ascenseur d’immeuble; therefore (ergo), the "petit, plus petit, le plus petit" theory (théorie).

On average, I would make round-trips twice daily (les aller-retour deux fois par jour) in this particular ascenseur, and I can tell you, with total confidence (avec confiance totale) and without exaggeration (sans exagération), that there is no freakin’ way (can't be translated, at least not in polite company) that trois personnes, 225 Kgs notwithstanding, would have fit into this conveyance (moyen de transport). Even Olivier, l'agent immobilier – remember him? – and I had a hard time fitting in together, and Olivier was a very small person (un homme de petite stature). (Of course, he was on his cell phone (téléphone cellulaire) on the way up, gesticulating at an alarming rate, so perhaps we might have squeezed in another body (une autre personne) if he had not been on le téléphone, but s/he would have had to be une très petite personne.)


Another sign (un autre signe) dans l'ascenseur contained (contenait) detailed instructions (des instructions détaillées) on the subject of (sur le sujet de) what to do (quoi faire) IN CASE OF EMERGENCY (EN CAS D'URGENCES).  Essentially, ces instructions détaillées told me that:

• The elevator was under electonic surveillance 24-7.  (Appareil sous surveillance éléctronique 24h24.);
• In case of a stop between floors, I should push the alarm button for several seconds.  (En cas d'arrêt entre étages, appuyez pour quelques seconds le bouton d'alarme.); et,
• I should be patient because my elevator representative would be responding to me.  (Patientez.  Votre interlocuteur du Centre de Permanance "Otis-line" va vous répondre.)

Comforting, no?  (Réconfortant, non?)

I am very happy (Je suis très heureuse) that I never had to appuyer sur le bouton d'alarme.

But I digress (mais je m'écarte) ...

Reading and memorizing les instructions détaillés takes up enough time to get you to your destination, at which point, white wine therapy (la thérapie du vin blanc) is the appropriate course of action to take.

The best part about mon ascenseur was that it was an Otis, and in France (et en France), where there are almost as many elevator companies (les sociétés des ascenseurs) as there are vins et frommages, an Otis is a status symbol (un signe extérieur de richesse).  Indeed, you’ve arrived if your ascenseur is an Otis.  (Vraiment, vous avez réussi si votre ascenseur est un Otis.)

Demain:  Les livraisons